I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
