Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
