He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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