And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
