Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
