How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize