I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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