You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
