I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
