I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
