where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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