So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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