Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
