so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
