She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
