I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
