I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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