How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
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