Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
