Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
