soooo we both peed the bed last night...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My vagina just clenched in fear
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
