Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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