One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
