woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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