I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
