I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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