just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Randomize
