I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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