Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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