I got chris browned last night
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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