Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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