In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.