if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?