I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
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i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
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second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions