listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
