Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Dignity is for republicans.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
