One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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