Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
she looked like the before picture.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
