he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
