to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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