I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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