On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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