your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
