I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
