I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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