We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
