The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
