Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
