She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
