Having a random hookup so left but love u
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
