letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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