did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
