I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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