God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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