I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
