1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I am puke
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
