Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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