are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Randomize
