I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Randomize
