Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
