put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
