Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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