Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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