It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
