you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
