I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I have post one night stand depression
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