just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
