he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
