You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
