Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
