just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
