So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
