sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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